The Airing of Grievances
Thursday, December 23, 2004
I Gotta Lotta Problems With You People - Cozmo Edition
I gotta lotta problems with you people!
And Festivus begins, as ever, with out favorite part of the holiday, the Airing of Grievances. We've been doing that, pretty much non-stop, since April. You all know where I stand on issues like PETA, The Gimpification of Colin Powell, Conventions, and the RNC, so I thought I would hit you all up with some quick-hit rambling grievances. Enjoy:
- To the Federal Government - If your idea of protecting me from terrorism is breeding more terrorists daily in Iraq while simultaneously underfunding your promises to the NYPD, well then, I just don't don't want that type of protection.
- To New Yorkers - You walk more than any other city in the United States, with all that practice, you think we would figure out how to do it. Somebody is walking towards you, just move to the right.
- To People in Nebraska worried about Terrorist Attacks - Stop. The only terrorist you all have to worry about is Al Cracka. Its those of us on the coasts who have to worry about that.
- To People Who Refer To Lindsay Lohan as a Singer - There is a special hell for people like you.
- To People Not Even Close to My Tax Bracket, Yet Complain About Tax Relief - Save it. There's a few trillion dollars of Federal deficit that is not gonna just cure itself.
- To Paris Hilton - Just...just stop already.
- To Don Rumsfeld - Laugh at our troops all you want from your armored SUV, jackass. I hope you get fragged the next time you are in Iraq.
- To Everyone Worried About Keeping the "Christ" in Christmas - Chill baby. Have some eggnog and gather 'round the ole aluminum pole. You know you find tinsel distracting too.
- To Latrell Sprewell - My kids gotta eat.
- To Tripod.com - Dude, is your content that sacred that I can't link to a picture on your site? Whatever. If I see another "This Image Hosted By Tripod in my future, I'm gonna bust an artery.
- To Ohio - What the F, man?