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The Airing of Grievances
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
 
Holiday Shopping
Don't get it. Can't stand it. Won't do it.

Can someone please explain this insane phenomenon to me? I mean honestly, can you think of a worse way to spend your day off than waiting in line at a friggin' department store? Waiting to pay for the opportunity to force somebody to act all phony come present time? Listening to jerkoff, after jerkoff, after jerkoff incessantly yapping on their cell phones? Needing to break out the barf bag as all the actresses suck each other over some real marginal shit? Shuffling around while some assclown tries to sell you some shit you have no interest in buying? "Sir, can I interest you..." "No, you can't. Leave me the fuck alone." Anyways, the more I think about it, the more this shopping thing sounds like a blast. Where do I sign up?

PS: And just so you know, I'm not buying the it's better to give than receive malarkey. Granted, there may be a kernel of truth there, but the real "better thing to do" is to neither give, nor receive. The "better thing to do" is just kick back, chill and enjoy some time with your "loved ones" (provided you can stand 'em). And that, my friends, is why Thanksgiving is far and away the number one holiday of the year.
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