The Airing of Grievances
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Fuck My Management Company
[Ed. Note: I apologize for the length. All inspiration for this rant comes from the incomparable Jackie Chiles]

This is the Airing of Grievances, right? Boy, have I got one. As my friends and family know, I'm in the middle of a move, scheduled to take place on Thursday night and Friday morning. This thing has been like a precision military strike from Day 1. I found an apartment that I loved six weeks ago, it was in an area that was at the top of my list of desired locations in the city, it was available a few days before I needed to vacate my current apartment (at no extra cost to me), my landlord is friendly, attentive and very pro-Frank, the two brokers who worked to find me the apartment, although hard-asses when it came to negotiating on the infamous Manhattan fees, are nevertheless absolute joys to deal with, I got an early jump on packing, such that I've never felt like i was rushing around at the last minute, I was able to get a new bed, mattress, entertainment unit, and club chair delivered within a week of my move-in so I wouldn't be living like a squatter for too long, I even had a timeline written out of when I would pack/throw out which things in my current apartment. Life was good. I call my new super today, to let him know that I'll be swinging by to say hello sometime later this week. "Hi Frank. Hey, someone else wants to move in on Friday, we can't have two people moving in on the same day, it just creates too much traffic." "Excuse me?" I say. "I told Landlord that I was moving on Friday two weeks ago, this is the first I'm hearing of any conflicts." "Yes, well, we just can't have two people moving in, it ties up the elevators and I'm just not allowed to do it." "That's your problem, I was told that day was fine, now you're telling me three days before the fact that one of us has to reschedule? I would say it's a little bit late in the game for this, don't you think?" "Yes, but we just can't do it, the management company won't let me." "Let me see what I can do with the movers, but if they can't reschedule for a convenient time, I'm moving in on Friday." Before I get a chance to call Super back, the phone rings. It's the Super again. "Hey Frank - the management company has not approved your paperwork, you can't move in at all before that's approved." "What the fuck are you talking about? I had my paperwork in six weeks ago, everything was fine, and yet again, this is the first I'm hearing of any problems." "No, they said they only received the paperwork yesterday and they haven't had a chance to look at it yet. You can't move in until they approve it." "Bullshit. They had everything. Everything was fine. Why the fuck am I hearing about this now?" "I don't know, but I can't let you move in until they give me the green light." "Who the fuck do I need to talk to to get this sorted out?" He gives me the number for the building manager, which I call. "Hi, this is Frank Costanza, I understand there's a problem with some paperwork?" "Yes, I just got the paperwork in, I haven't had a chance to look at it." "What do you mean? I signed all the paperwork weeks ago?!? Why am I finding about this now?" "Oh, well I didn't have some of the paperwork until this morning. I can't approve anything until it's all together." "OK, well can you please have a look, because I'm trying to move in this Friday." "That's another thing, you can't move on Friday, someone else is moving in Friday." "I know. I didn't know that until now, but I'm going to see if the movers can change, but I may have to move on Friday anyway." "You can't, we can't allow two moves in one day." "Hopefully that won't be a problem, but can you get this paperwork approved? I have to move by the end of the week." "You have until Monday" "I know, but I'd really like to sort this out as soon as possible, because I may not be able to get movers on Monday." "Sir, I'm allowed to take 10 business days upon receipt of paperwork before I have to approve it." Fuck. I'm fucked. This woman has my life by the balls and she's starting to squeeze. This was the point at which my argumentative tone turned on a dime into syrupy sweetness. "Um, OK. It would really be a help if you could take a look, because I'm kind of up against a wall here. I don't even know when the movers can come now and this is the first I'm hearing about all these problems, I'm a little bit frustrated. Can you call me as soon as it's all done?" "I'll see what I can do." I call the movers. They can do Thursday, which I was planning on taking off work anyway, just for any last-minute things (an 11th hour fuckup like this being a good example) that might come up. Perfect, I wanted to move in earlier anyway, I'll just have to accelerate the packing/trashing of my stuff and get it all done by Wednesday night. But I can't reschedule the move until I know that I'm allowed can move in. This is where we stand. My broker and landlord have been great, they are fighting and calling out all the big guns (namely, the people who pay this bitch) to get this all sorted by tomorrow morning. We'll see. As of now, I'm sleeping on a foldout sofa, because I had to get my bed in the trash tonight, because I can't do it when I planned to, this Thursday. My apartment is a disaster area that I can barely walk around in, because I ran out of packing boxes and Mail Boxes Etc. is closed. I smell like shit, because I had to take apart a heavy bed and dresser and lug them out in to the street all by myself.. So I'd like to say a big FUCK YOU VERY MUCH! to the bitch at my management company. FUCK YOU for making me way more stressed out than the Yankees-Red Sox series ever could. FUCK YOU for the insomnia that will no doubt set in when I finally finish packing tonight. FUCK YOU for the pathetic little power trip you're pulling, completely fucking a model tenant over in the process. Most of all, FUCK YOU for making the conscious choice to be a bitch when the issue of someone potentially becoming homeless is at stake. In the words of my broker, "This is so un-fucking-necessary." Sometimes I really fucking hate New York.
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