The Airing of Grievances
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Citizen Dick
When it's not otherwise occupied in its quest to be Der Sturmer for the 21st century, the New York Post has some absolutely essential material. I submit to you, in full, an item from today's Page Six:

TV comic Andy Dick went on a randy rampage at Suede early yesterday that ended after he burst into tears over the death of his friend Rick James and was thrown out of the Chelsea club by "Little Shop of Horrors" star Joey Fatone.
Dick, the star of MTV's "The Assistant," was desperately in need of a minion to get him under control as he tried to kiss any man or woman he bumped into, including "Austin Powers" actor Seth Green, rolled around on the men's room floor, and asked clubgoers if they had cocaine.

The vodka and cranberry-swilling comic then barricaded himself in Suede's dishwashing room and began sobbing uncontrollably about James, who died last week, reports an eyewitness who witnessed the meltdown. "My best friend is dead!" Dick wailed. "He's gone! He's dead! You don't understand! All my best friends die!"

Dick then handed a dishwasher a stack of $100 bills so he could "live in the room." When Fatone — whom Dick taunted as "Fat One" — and Suede owner Eytan Sugarman tried to coax him to leave, Dick said, "You don't want to push me around, because I'm perfectly capable of doing this" — and punched an unidentified friend standing next to him in the face.

Finally, Fatone, the former *NSYNC member who co-hosts a Tuesday night party at Suede with promoter Brandon Marcel, dragged the blubbering Dick outside with the help of Sugarman and loaded him into a cab in front of a crowd that included Green, Mets outfielder Cliff Floyd and MTV veejay Vanessa Minnillo. Green was overheard sputtering, "That guy tried to kiss me," as Dick was hauled past him.

But Dick's rowdy romp wasn't over yet. The former "News Radio" star, who has battled drug and alcohol abuse in the past, headed downtown to Plan B on Avenue B and promptly commenced smooching and slapping the people inside.

"He was obviously obliterated," Plan B co-owner Josh Boyd told us. "He jumped on the back of Jason Battle, my co-owner, and kept trying to kiss him. Then he started getting violent and bitch-slapping people.

"We finally quarantined him and put him in a separate room. But then he slipped outside and skipped out on his $300 bar tab. The last anyone saw of him, he was rolling around the street on Avenue B."

Dick's manager declined comment.

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