The Airing of Grievances
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Movement Of Jah People
A Texas-based group has arrived at what is really the only logical solution to the vexing breakdown in morals and standards sweeping our country: migration to South Carolina, followed by secession from the Union.
How can I help make this happen? Seriously, what do they need? Would we really miss the people who would be making the move? Would those of us in the other 49 states (otherwise known as pagans) regret giving up all that South Carolina has to offer? You can golf elsewhere, NASCAR hits plenty of other states, towns on the Jersey Shore can replace Myrtle Beach (and in a slightly less tacky fashion), and the South would still be chock-full of cracker-ass crackers. OK, maybe we carve out Hilton Head and Kiawah as Swaziland-esque oases of hedonism, but this is addition by subtraction, people.
Christian Exodus, the group behind the proposed move, cited the recent Massachusetts ruling allowing for gay marriage as the last straw. An anonymous vistor to their website gets the early jump in defining legislation for the new country:
"Well on one hand I kinda favor a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. But should homosexuals speak up, they should be deported, sanctioned, or held in jail," said one person, discussing whether their new "country" should endorse or permit lifestyles they believe go against biblical teachings.
Homosexuality? Hit the bricks, Lance. Hate and persecution? Cool de la and, apparently, biblically sound!